Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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