Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
