and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
