my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Ketchup is God's man juice
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
