Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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