Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
well you can't waste a boner
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize