what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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