There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
