4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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