she woke up with a sticky ear
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
