That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
