I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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