Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
high people should be assigned attendants
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
