i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
