watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm both gender and math confused
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
