If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
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