He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I think I died a long time ago.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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