So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
