If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
