the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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