I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
