I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize