Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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