I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
