i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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