Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
