fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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