GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
