I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
