There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
