is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
