Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
What a dumb baby whore.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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