my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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