Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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