i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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