Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize