I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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