i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
