anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Randomize
