R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
