WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
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