Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Randomize
