obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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