Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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