hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I love you. Go after that dick
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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