get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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