then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize