I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
