i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
