She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
