I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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