there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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