i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I just forgot I was standing up.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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