so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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