We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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