My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
