So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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