why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
