fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
