Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Randomize