I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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