I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize