There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
