all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
