At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
