Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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