Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
A bitchslap is in order.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
